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Mash Game: Predict Your Future at eSPIN.com

Behold... My Future
  I will marry Tegoshi Yuya.  
  After a wild honeymoon, We will settle down in Tokyo in our fabulous House.  
  We will have 4 kid(s) together.  
  Our family will zoom around in a silver BMW Coup.
  I will spend my days as a doctor, and live happily ever after.  
whats your future

Final Good-bye

She almost didn't hear the knock on the door, so absorbed was Cherie to the television set. The news station was folowing a high-speed chase on the 81 Freeway, which ended just as the car police were pursuing swerved off the road, crashed through the railing and hit a nearby warehouse.

The twenty-four year old reached the door just as the news anchor was exclaiming in shock, "Oh my! It seems the suspects have just activated a bomb within the warehouse..."

As the door to the apartment swung open, everything was blocked from Cherie's mind but the person standing in front of her. It took her a few seconds to register who he was, but the tears came to her eyes long before her mind connected the face to the memory.

"Hey, mon cherie! So, um...long time no see, huh? How long has it been already? I've forgotten..." the twenty-seven year old male stood in her doorway greeting her casually. Shock had claimed the girl, and after that, other emotions followed, leaving her in disbelief.

"Three years..." she managed to choke out. "It's been three years, Evan..."

At this, he went silent with guilt, standing awkwardly outside her door. Realizing this, she let him into her mess of an apartment and closed the door behind her. She had so many questions; she didn't know where to begin.

"You...where have you been?" Once she began, she found it hard to stop. "You left without a word, just like that" she snapped for emphasis, "I woke up and you were gone--"

"I've been caught up in some stuff," Evan cut in, replying vaguely. "I didn't want you to get involved. Figured if I left without saying good-bye, it'd be easier for the both of us..." he finished awkwardly.

"And was it easier?"

"I've regretted it every single day of my life." He looked into her eyes pleadingly. "I'm sorry Cherie. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I'm a selfish creature. I'll ask for it anyway: Please, forgive me, Cherie..."

"I already have, Evan, you know me better than that." She looked away from his gaze towards the ground. "I'd forgive you, no matter what you did. I always will. The only thing that matters is that I'm with you..."

"Cherie..." Evan cupped her cheek tenderly, moving in closer to her. She raised her hand to his, holding it against her face, leaning into it...relishing his touch.

"I'm sorry I hurt you. I shouldn't have, should've said goodbye or something." Evan pulled her face forward so that his forehead touched hers. He stood there, gazing at her sweet face, taking in her smooth skin, her almond shaped hazel eyes, her dainty nose, those too full lips...

"But you didn't even contact me at all in these last three years! You knew where I was, and you didn't even bother to call?" the girl let her hand fall from his limply.

Evan took a step back and gripped both her shoulders. "I had people after me. If they knew you were important to me, you would've been the first they came after. I was trying to protect you, Cherie." His hands dropped and brought her into a tight embrace. She stood there, not responding, and let him wrap his arms around her; let him rest his face atop hers, warming her up with his body. Just like old times. Memories flooded back: a swing set swaying in the park near the university, running on the beach in the rain, the smell of cinnamon and nicotine, wrapped in strong arms under the warmth of a blanket, moonlight shining through the window that fateful night...

"So then, why come back now?" she asked, resting her head on his chest.

"I missed you."

"And you didn't these last three years?" Cherie wondered aloud, pushing him away.

"I did. You were in my thoughts every minute of every day," Evan whispered as he pulled her towards him and touched his lips to hers. He caught her in a flawless kiss. Cherie didn't even try to resist; it was what she'd been waiting for these past years without him.

At first, the kiss was soft, gentle, not at all what she was used to with him. But soon, it became urgent, passionate, as if this were the last kiss between them. When they broke apart, she pulled him back in an embrace, hungering for more.

"Evan, I've missed you..." she buried her head into his shoulders.

"As have I, mon cherie." But he was pulling away from her, moving towards the door. "But I have to go again. I'm sorry..." he smiled apologetically. "I love you, mon cherie."

"Never enough," she whispered the reply they shared, as he left. She didn't try to stop him.

So he wasn't back for good this time. He'd come back to say goodbye only. How typical. How stupid was she, hoping that it'd be for real? Hoping that he'd finally come back for her! But the tears wouldn't fall. Angry, hurt, Cherie picked up an empty glass cup and threw it at the wall near the television, still on. Another followed. A face on the flickering screen caught her eye -- his face. Scrambling for the remote, Cherie turned the volume up.

"...suspect dead upon impact. Police are trying to find records of the man, but without luck so far. Police ask that if anyone out there has information on the man, to please call the number on the screen..."

The news anchor hadn't gotten to the end of her sentence when Cherie dropped the remote and dashed towards the door.

"Evan, wait! Come back!" Cherie threw open the door, searching down the hallway. The man paused, turning around to look back at her. "Evan, please! Come back!" He smiled sadly before turning the corner.

"Come back!" But Cherie knew even before the words left her mouth that it was already too late. She sprinted down the hallway and rounded the corner, half-expecting him to be hidden in the shadows, waitiing to pop out and surprise her. Like he always did.

The hallway was empty.

"Come back..." Slowly, the girl sand down to her knees, sobbing silently. he had come back to say goodbye one last time. and after doing so, had finally been able to rest.

"Love Type This" by Shihan

so today, hall let us sort of relax in class, right? and she puts on this one hbo series...def poetry jam, or something--maybe someone out there has heard of it before?

and one of the poems we watched in class was this one, which, i gotta say, is pretty sweet. :)

I want a love like
Me thinking of you
Thinking of me thinking of you type love
Or me telling my friends more than I’ve ever admitted to myself
About how I feel about you type love
Or hating how jealous you are
But loving how much you want me all to yourself type love
Or see how your first name just sound so good next to my last name
And shit I wanted to see how far I could get without calling you
And I barely made it out of my garage

See, I want a love that makes me wait until she falls asleep
And wonder if she’s dreaming about us being in love type love
Or who loves the other more
Or what she’s doing this exact moment
Or slow dancing in the middle of our apartment to the music of our hearts
Closing my eyes and imagining how a love so good
Could hurt so much when she’s not there
And shit I love not knowing where this love is headed type love
And check this, I want to place those little post-it notes
All around the how she she never forgets how much I love her type love
And not have enough ink in my pen to write all there is to love about her type love
And hope I make her feel as good as she makes me feel

And I want to deal with my friends making fun of me
The way I made fun of them when they went through the same kind of love type love
Only difference is, this is one of those real love type loves
And just like in high school
I want to spend hours on the phone not saying shit
And then fall asleep and then wake up with her right next to me
And smell her all up in my covers type love
I want to try counting the ways I love her
And lose count in the middle just so I have to start all over again
And I want to celebrate one of those one month anniversaries
Even though they ain’t really anniversaries
But doing it just ‘cause it make her happy type love
And, check this, I want to fall in love with the melody the phone plays
When none of us dialed into it type love
And talk to you until I lose my breathe
She leaves me breathless
But with the expanding of my lungs I inhale all of her back into me

I want a love that makes me need to change my cell phone calling plan
To something allows me to talk to her longer
‘cause in all honesty, I want to avoid one of them high cell phone bill type loves
And I want a love that makes me regret how small my hands are
I mean the lines on my palms don’t give me enough time
To love you as long as I’d like to type love
And I want a love that makes me st-st-st-st-stutter
Just thinking about how strong this love is type love
And I want a love that makes me want to cut off all my hair
Well, maybe not all of the hair
Maybe like I cut the split ends and trim my moustache
But it would still be a symbol of how strong my love for her

And check this, I kind of feel comfortable now
So I even be fantasizing about walking out on a green light
Just dying to get hit by a car
Just so I could lose my memory
Get transported to some third world country just to get treated
Then somehow meet up again with you so I can fall in love with you
In a different language and see if it still feels the same type love
I want a love that’s as unexplainable as she is
But I’m married, so she’s gonna be the one I share this love with

Burning Houses and Other Crap

AP exams are over!!! yesh! hahahaha, free at last, free at last!!!! XD yeah, i'm a freak.

so yes. for like, the first time in a looooong while, i have no homework to do. so relaxing, i wish everyday were like this.

ahh, i gotta gooo...

sister's calling.. and the tv is beckoning. will soon talk about:

-hospital board applications and my kooky boss who shortened my break.. ><
-free sixth period and what i happen to do everyday, in detail
-how big the "love it" size ice cream at coldstone are...wow, dang---i barely finished that. scratch that, i didn't finish, leah did... >< after it like, melted into liquid...

and now, i bid (nonexistent) readers goodbye as my sister calls me in fear of burning pizza. which, u know, would be really bad, since that would probably burn my house down.

oh yeah, did i ever mention the time dad put dried squid in the conventional oven and it ended up catching fire. no? well, he did. and it caught on fire. XD

as an extension to my location since livejournal won't let me write it all:

i laugh in the face of every senior who still has econ tomorrow!!!!

The Meaning of "Life"

is it just me, or does this apply to everyone (who thinks about it...)? Or perhaps, i'm the only one who notices these things?

-- the word "happy" looks sadder than the spelling "happie"
-- pigs look a lot cuter in animated pictures than they do in real life (actually, almost everything does...) ><
-- smelling (not eating) bananas or green apples helps u lose weight...yeah, weird, but true
-- timed tests always seem to pass by so fast...that is, until ur actually done with the test and sitting there with nothing to do
-- whenever i convince myself to study, i always have an excuse not to
-- the top ten searches on yahoo everyday are really random...
-- women tend to smile more than men do
-- abbreviation is such a long word
-- the word "short" really isn't that short of a word either

Woe is Me

Sometimes I wonder what you would do if:

the devolutions of the revolutions you've made in my mental space were made apparent, like the air through which I stare, the endpoint containing a dot stating you are here causes anxiety like a bear bearing down on me. If you see the things in me that I see in the sea of you, would you possibly see me the way you see she? Deranged you look to me, when I look at you and you look away. To her you are sub par; so far she sees you as a settlement bequeathed to her by the disparagement of reverence our tones are presented in (please please please tell me this isn't about melanin). I am aware that the stare that you stared away from me to her is one produced by the incoherent fear of betrayal, fear of inevitable dismayal. I wonder when your beautiful intelligence will prevail and unveil all truth, reveal all ruse, and heal all abuse it suffered from information given with righteous indignation, but was truly the product of ignorant trepidation; believe me, I wish I did not have this infatuation. Scratch that, this statement requires some disambiguation; fixed it: I wish we both had this infatuation. I realize that my perspective has limited justification but hopefully things will become clearer with more meditation; however any revelation through meditation of you holds the stipulation that I keep thinking of guess who? You, of course. I'll remorse over the incompassionate reality that dictates our lives with overwhelming finality,
but I'll thrive on the hope that one day you'll smile at me
like I smile at the thought that one day
you'll smile at me.

Food for Thought

A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised, and proud man, who is fully dressed each  morning by eight o'clock, with his hair fashionably combed and  shaved  perfectly, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today.  

His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary.  

 many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled  sweetly when told his room was ready.  

As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description  of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window.  

"I love it," he stated with  the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just  been  presented with a new puppy.  

"Mr. Jones, you haven't seen the room; just wait."  

"That doesn't have anything to do with it," he replied.

"Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time.

"Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture  is
  arranged .... it's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it.  

"It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a  choice;
 I can  spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with  the parts of my body that no  longer work, or get out of  bed and be thankful  for the ones that do.  

"Each day is a gift, and as  long as my eyes open, I'll  focus on the new  day
 and all  the happy memories I've stored away.  Just for this time in my  life."

Old age is like a bank  account.
You withdraw from what you've put in.

So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of  memories!  

Thank you for your part in filling
my Memory Bank.

I am still  depositing.  

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1.   Free your heart from hatred.  
2.   Free your mind from worries.  
3.   Live simply.  
4.   Give more.  
5.   Expect less.  

Have a nice day, unless you already have other plans.

Just an email I received.

Fiction Journal - 2

okies, so i was thinking for a bit, trying to start a story. but i realized that i didn't have ideas to build off of. i had a lot of storylines and plots and stuff, but didn't feel like starting any one of them (argh... it's always like that! i have a bunch of ideas, but never have time or patience to start writing!)

so i've read things that were based on the planets (sailor moon, obvious one), based on the stars (fushigi yugi--which i have got to finish, btw), the days of the week (keys to the kingdom series, garth nix... good read), colors of the rainbow (also a garth nix series...the seventh tower, i think the series was called), etc, etc. i don't recall anything to do with months, so i've decided i'm going to build on that idea (and forany reason, if there has been something done on that, i've never seen it, so i'm not copying....it's my own idea too!)

the problem? sigh. i can't think of a plot. so i started with the characters--which is pretty hard, since i don't have a plot. but what i have thought of is this: there are twelve months in the western calender. i'm still debating whether to use all twelve characters, or only have a few (say five or six) main months as characters and add the others in as enemies or supporting characters or something...

each person is a representative of a month--but they don't take on the name of that month. say, they each have names (no, der), but each of their names has something in common with the month. like letter wise or something.. last or first name, i can't say...

january (james...?): cold personality...(haha, winter, cold!), um...tall...blond--almost white--hair, but blue eyes, no...gray....dunno....

february (faye): kind of the haughty girl. she's beautiful, breathtaking, yes. but an ice queen. her heart's surrounded by armor...maybe it's due to something in her past? i'm still deciding whether to make her blonde or brunette...see, i don't wanna go with the sterotypical blonde pretty girl.. huh...

march (minna? might need a better name): the romantic one, day dreams, always a dazed look in her eyes. she's naiive and innocent. seen as the weakling, always needs taking care of. just for the fun of it, she'll have a mischievious little brother who takes advantage of her gentle nature.

april (ami, amee, amy -- not sure how i'm gonna spell that yet...or i might just keep her as april): the smart one, intelligent. she's shy and timid, but competitive when it comes to grades. the best in her class? well, i don't wanna keep that sterotype either, so she'll be one of the best. but not outright the best.

may and june (haven't figured out names yet...): best friends. the playful, immature ones. stupid...or maybe just airheads. they act the youngest. impractical...think....lydia and kitty from pride and prejudice, but to an even more extreme on the scale of stupidity...haha...

july (jack...? needs a better name...can't find one that fits): easy-going, fun-loving guy. he's the type who's the friendly bes friend that secretly has a crush on his best friend (girl, of course) but she doesn't know....or maybe he's the guy whose best friend likes him, but he's completely clueless to it.... but yes, he's the best friend type guy.

august (alex...aiden?): if he's an alex, he'll be that sun-tanned cutie that the girls are all talking about. the surfer...? nah. that one guy all the girls are talking about... (ahh...this sounds high school-ish already...) the one guy that evey girl is sure he's perfect for her. >< if he's an aiden, maybe he'll be mysterious. like summer verging on fall.... if i can think of a better last name that fits him and his month, i'll name him sumner instead.

september (suzy, susan...need a more softer name): she's the youngest of the group. if i'm gonna make this a five-six person story, she'd be in the circle that i'd write about--with her older twin, december. (or should i make it younger twin...?) ((or maybe just a brother...)) she's gentle, an animal lover perhaps...

october (ode? odie..?--haha, like the dog from garfield! but nah. maybe i'll make ode his last name or something....but o is a hard letter....octavio! *snicker*): the mysterious one. (great, now i need a name that fits that). the strange one. if i end up with a story with enemies, he'd be the one everyone suspected, but in the end, he'd turn out not to be the one they're looking for. misunderstood. (great, now i'm sounding like i want him goth or emo or something...--which is a thought i might entertain...)

november (nick...sounds too friendly, but perhaps that might work): in short--a showoff. a player. yup, that guy on the football team in those cliche stories who thinks any girl he even looks at should be glad he gave her the time of day. arrogant (although that might make things funny...). in short (again), he's an arse... yup yup (oh...i hope it's ok to curse here...)

december (damien--too nice, damon--reminds me of the bourne trilogy..., daryll--argh! i try not to use names of ppl i knoe since that would totally screw up my perception of my character, but argh! that gets so annoying!--see, this is the reason i'm unsure about the whole alex name thing too... and i wanted a matt for march, but then i know so many matts, it's not even funny....): mature. cold/hard (halt! let the dirty thoughts pass through and then continue!) on the outside (free of dirty thoughts? sure? okies. move on) but soft and caring on the inside. not the big nice guy, but...think hiei in yuu yuu hakushou (without the lack of height-ness). cuz my december's gonna be tall. maybe not as tall as january. ooohhh... i can just see the tension between the two. yup, december's gonna be one of my favorite characters to plan...

ok, ok, my ramblings are done... i've written done my ideas. i'm happy. :D

Fiction Journal - 1

i was looking around on the internet for story ideas and i came across this one site, with awesome ideas...
although i'd feel bad about using those, i was thinking about sort of using some of those and building on my own... then i realized that i should have used livejournal for my intended purpose, which i had decided on when i created the account: a fiction jounral to record all my ideas! genuis! (-_- yeah..took me that long to realize this...)

so i'll have to upload some of my ideas on here and all. and then after that, let's see if i can find a plot to stick with for a year. if i'm lucky, i'll use it to write a novel for my senior project. who knows, i might even get it published! (if i'm lucky..)((my my parents say it costs a lot to get a book published, so i might not...)

anyhows, i really liked this idea:

Home Sweet Home (crappy title, so i'll have to think of another one if and when i ever write about this one...)

Blocks of houses, all appearing identical. By each doorknob, a light--red or green. someone comes around the corner, goes to the first door with a green light, inserts his key, opens the door. He is Home.

what's happening, of course, is that his key contains the complete description of the inside of his house when he left it that morning (or last week or last month, etc). the houses are all identical until a key goes in (so red lights indicate that a house is already occupied...)

now we add one crazy person w actually thinks coming home to the same house matters--who believes the identity of objects (and pets--possibly children if we push it?) depends on continuity. so he does various things to try to get around the system everyone else takes for granted.

How to Live Forever (this one needs a little work, but with some effort, i think i can turn it into something)

time is odd when u're dreaming. sometimes, the whole night goes in a flash. others, it seems like hours, but on the clock, only a few mintues have passed.

someone discovers that the phenomenon is real. subjective time slows down when you are asleep and dreaming (either it sometimes slows and sometimes speeds, or it always slows and the speeding is an illusion due to forgetting most of ur dreams or something---yeah, i'm still trying to understand that). 8 hours on the clock is 40 or 50 in ur head.

he reaches the obvious conclusion--and sets out to spend as large a fraction of his life as he can asleep...

Deathbed Repentance (there's this whole christian spin on it, but i might just do a sci fi thing)

an idea that shows up in some christian doctrine is that one's fate in the afterlife depends on the state of one's soul at the moment of death--so the sinful man who truly repends on his deathbed ends up, eventually, in heaven.

imagine then, a sci fi version of this. in the future, we can emulate a person in a computer and can upload people. but the emulation isn't perfect--it emulates the persn as he is when he uploaded but has much less ability to change thereafter than the person had before uploading.

when u die, u are uploaded. if u happen to die angry, ur silicon continuation is an angry person--forever. if u die in a mood of repentance for ur sins, on the other hand, ur continuation is the good person that u (perhaps absent in death, very temporarily) were at that moment. --my thought tho is this: i don't want to be forever in a sorry mood! >< haha.

Tonight, I'll Take What I Can Get

Okies... so i dunno who else happens to know, but since I don't have a Facebook anyways, i'm choosing to post right here... haha

so there's this thing, apparently, on facebook, where there's this list of questions.
what ur supposed to do is take ur music player and put all ur songs on shuffle.
the titles of the song that's playing is supposed to be the answer to the questions.

i thought this was kind of interesting, but i didn't have a facebook account. so i asked a friend for the questions and did it anyways.
and this, is what i got...
(some of these are very... awkward...haha)

It's Not Over - Secondhand Serenade

Devil Inside - Utada Hikaru

Again I Go Unnoticed - Dashboard Confessional

Colors - Utada Hikaru

On Top - The Killers
     yes, so this is really what came on my zune (yes, i use microsoft's zune instead of apple's ipod, cuz i'm cool like that... XP)
     er.. yeah. no weird thoughts, ppl...

Writhe in Pain - Guilty Gear XX
     o.e <(that's so nice...)

Am I Missing - Dashboard Confessional

These Bones - Dashboard Confessional

9) WHAT IS 2+2?
     haha! i will remember that forever now... (can u just imagine me in my calc class? "and when u substitute in, 2+2 is..." "7~!!!")

Special Angel - TANK

Half-Alive - Secondhand Serenade

Crossing Those Hills - Final Fantasy IX

Come Alive - Foo Fighters

I'm Waiting - All-American Rejects

My Dream - DHT

Forever Love - X the Movie

First Love - Utada Hikaru
     (damn.. how ironic)

Keep Tryin' - Utada Hikaru

Over My Head - Sum 41

Movin' On Without You - Utada Hikaru
     (i just realized how many utada hikaru songs appeared here...funny cuz despite how many of her songs i have, i don't listen to them a lot)

Houki Boshi - Bleach
     wish i knew what that meant... sigh

Standard Lines - Dashboard Confessional

Fireworks - Plain White T's

Aura's Theme - .Hack Mix

White Reflection - TWO-MIX

Faking My Own Suicide - Relient K

Which Extent is It Good? (Final Fantasy X) - Lee Soo Young

Stranger Things Have Happened - Foo Fighters

It Ends Tonight - All-American Rejects

Tonight I'll Take What I Can Get - Dashboard Confessional
     which, of course, i did.... ><

okies then. now i can get back to reading heart of darkness for english... sigh.
onward! (to boredom and useless reading)